The Sun
Page A14
Thursday, November 14, 1996
Steven G. Kay
POINT OF VIEW
In having been there, I know that suicide is not the solution to the pain, and that death with dignity comes only from enduring the situation, not in giving up in despair.
In the midst of the sorrows, pains and unfairness that life throws our way, there come times when the will to go on is hard to find and the idea of simply giving up becomes very appealing.
My heart goes out to those who have reached that point, where life has become unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ease the pain, be it physical or psychological.
In the past few years, I’ve been there myself, as I watched my 12-year-old daughter, Kristin, suffer through chemo therapy and surgeries with all their side effects, and then finally having to go on without her as she lost her battle against bone cancer three years ago.
But in having been there, I know that suicide is not the solution to the pain, and that death with dignity comes only from enduring the situation, not in giving up in despair.
During the course of Kristin’s treatments, we had several people mention that after seeing what she went through, they wouldn’t go through chemo if they were ever diagnosed with cancer. When we passed on their comments to Kristin, she’d look surprised and say, “That’s dumb!”
She had learned that there is good to be found even in the worst situations. Death, when it came, was a welcome release for her, but it was not something she sought.
Thanks to the skilled pain management team at the Cedars Sinai Comprehensive Cancer Center, she was able to remain alert with a bright and cheerful attitude in spite of her circumstances and left behind a legacy of encouragement for all who knew her or who have heard her story.
There is a great deal of debate going on about so called “death with dignity,” right-to-die or assisted-suicide laws in our country today. Support for these laws comes from friends and relatives of those who have suffered terribly in the final stages of terminal illnesses.
As we consider whether these laws are needed, we should realize that the premise behind them is completely out of date.
Dr. Michael H. Levy, director of supportive oncology and a specialist in pain management for the terminally ill, stated in a recent interview (People, May 22, 1995, page 91) that, “If -all patients had access to skilled pain management, along with psychological and spiritual support, we wouldn’t need to resort to such desperate measures. Given the proper doses of painkillers … and the selected use of pain blocking procedures, 99 percent of terminally ill patients can function in comfort until their last days. Pain relief can be provided to the remainder of patients, if they are willing to accept sedation for their suffering.”
As our nation considers right-to-die laws, it seems that we have lost some of that pioneering spirit of endurance that made this country great. Samuel Johnson wrote, “When there is nothing to be done, something must be endured.” We have never been given the promise that life would be easy, but it must be overcome, or else we will have failed.
I have heard a person’s character compared to liquid being carried in a bucket. Whenever one comes to a bump in life, the contents are sloshed out, and we see what they’re made of.
Dying of cancer is certainly a big bump, and whether a person gives in to their circumstances or overcomes them shows their true character.
How do you want to be remembered? Leaving behind a worthy memory is an achievement worth the struggle. Any philosophy that calls for us to be less than we can be is wrong and weakens our whole society.
Death with dignity is found by not giving in to circumstances and giving up in hopelessness, but by overcoming the circumstances and living to the fullest the life that you have.
The terminally ill don’t need help in dying, but in living. Modern pain management and hospice organizations can help them find pain relief and a quality of life that will make living worthwhile.
Kay is the minister of Redlands Church of Christ. Point of View is an occasional column of commentary by local citizens. Send material to Point of View, The Sun, 399 N. D SL, San Bernardino, Ca. 92401. Or fax it to (909) 885-8141.
